We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
