Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
