All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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