I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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