Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
