we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
