I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
