how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
