Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
