Heybabeimwearingurpanties
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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