Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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