HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
