my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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