Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
