I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
