do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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