Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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