ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
