Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is classic penis vs brain.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
