I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
