He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
