He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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