guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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