Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
