No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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