Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
