You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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