Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
