I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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