I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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