fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
