After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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