Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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