I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
