I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
