I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
