and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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