I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
