i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
