If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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