capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
