Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
