She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
