Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
