So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
