Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
