The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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