Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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