Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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