Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
