My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no. you can't hotbox the world.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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