I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
