Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm both gender and math confused
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
