Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
