Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
