I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize