I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
