Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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