my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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