She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
