one two three fourrrrnication!
I look better un-naked...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
