Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
