i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
