You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
