Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize